Hello everyone! This week kind of goes along with some of the things I talked about last week, but now I'm specifically going to go into more depth about communication. Communication is such a hard thing to master, and you most likely never will be a pro at it, but you can sure practice until you figure out a way both you and your partner are communicating successfully.
Communication, if done right, can save a relationship. Sometimes we may have no idea what is trying to be communicated. Sometimes we can guess, but still won't know exactly what the other person is trying to get across. Let's talk about the four things that make up communication, but can also get in the way of it. The four things are media, words, tone, and non-verbal. 14% of communication comes from words, 35% of it comes from tone, and 51% of communication comes from non-verbal meaning body language and actions. People mostly believe tone over words, and that's really important to remember when receiving and responding to a message from your partner, this can always be the case with non-verbal attitudes and actions. The important thing to remember about sending a message to your partner is to make sure what you're trying to say is clear. On the opposite end, when recieving a message, it's important to focus on what you say as your body language. Make sure to always be in tune with your partner, and to try and understand them.
A method to help you practice communication as well as become good at it is something called the "5 techniques of communication". The 5 stages are The Disarming Technique, Empathy, Inquiry, "I Feel Statements", and Stroking. Let's break these stages down a little bit because it can become confusing very quickly. During the Disarming Technique, you chould try and find some truth in what the other person is saying, even if it seems totally unreasonable or unfair. This is a great way to start off an extremely healthy conversation. After this short, but important step, comes empathy. There's are two "types" of empathy that are important to remember. These are "thought empathy" and "feeling empathy". Thought empathy could be you simply paraphrasing your partner's words and feeling empathy is your acknowledgment of what the other person is feeling based on what he/she said. When we don't feel like we're understood by our partner, we feel desperate. An important thing to remember during this step however, is that it's okay to clarify with them if you're understanding them correctly, but to NOT tell them that you "understand". If you say "I understand", it's the worst thing you could say because it's a lie. When you use empathy, you help the other person figure out their own emotions as well, which is interesting and could be very helpful to them. The third step is Inquiry. During this stepm you should ask gentle, and probing questions to try and learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling. The next step is Assertiveness or "I feel statements". You should express your own ideas and feelings in a direct and tactful manner. By doing this, you could use "I feel" statements such as "I feel upset" rather than "you" statements like "you're wrong". The next step is Stroking and this focuses on respect. Convey and attitude of respect, even if you feel frustrated or angry with the other person. Try and find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of battle. Using these simple steps, and really thinking about them in the midst of trying to have a conversation, will really help the communication between you and your partner.
Now, an important way to be understood is to talk about your feelings. If you don't talk about about what's bothering you, you'll show it in other ways that are hurtful towards the other person. When you don't talk about things, they build up and you'll eventually let them out, whether that's in a healthy way that includes a communicative conversation with your partner, or in a hurtful way towards them. Along with this, people thing that if they tell their partner precisely how they are mistaken, they confuse that with communication when that is not the case.
To quickly touch base on another important and specific thing that takes a whole lot of communication, decision making. Relationships in general, should never have a "senior partner". This means one person in the relationship is treated as someone whose above the other person. This is wrong and it should never happen. The reason why this pertains to decision making and why it's wrong is because when you think of one person being above the other, their opinions and views could be leaned more towards. "Oh you're the breadwinner in our marriage, so I guess that means I don't have a say on where to eat tonight." Sounds dumb doesn't it? Well it happens! Whatever decision is made, there is no winner or loser. View your partner as your equal to avoid this. People think of compromise as something that needs to happen in a marriage, when in reality, compromise is hardly ever successful when making decisions. A great way to help with decision making, is to take turns explaining to your partner what decision you think is best and why, and then hear them about what decision they think is best, and then go from there. All in all, find a decision making process that works best for your relationship.
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