Family Dynamics and Theories

     Hello everyone! This week I've been thinking a lot about different family dynamics and theories. I find theories to be extremely interesting and especially when they're about something I am passionate about... families! I'm going to go through some different theories that I recently learned about in a course I'm taking in college. 

    The first theory that I'm going to explain is the Exchange Theory. I like to call this theory the "I help you but you don't help me theory. Think of this theory in the context of husband and wife. In a marriage, or a relationship, one out of the two people, or even both people can feel like they bring significantly more to the table than the other person. This as you can imagine, can cause a series of problems. They think "oh I'm not getting much out of this" or "I'm not receiving anything in return" and that can cause them to burnout and potentially give up on the relationship and even family that they've worked so hard to grow. 

    Now let's talk about conflict theory. Let's be real, there is ALWAYS going to be conflict. The way that conflict is resolved is crucial to a relationship, or on topic, marriage. In marriage, compromise is not always the answer as well as it is not always possible. Maybe one person is more persuasive than the other, or one person has more resources than the other. In the class that I'm taking, my professor mentioned how we can resolve conflict in the best way possible, because we all know that conflict itself cannot be avoided. He mentioned that whenever conflict arises, whether that be because of a decision that has to be made, or a simple argument that needs to be worked out, work it out behind closed doors in a respectful manner. If your child asks you to go to the movies with one of his friends, don't say yes without asking your partner. Talk it out with them, and make the decision together. This can help avoid a small argument that can and probably will snowball into a much bigger problem. 

    Now, the family systems theory can be explained as the system is more than the sum of its parts. The concept of family is more than just individual people that happen to be in the same family. It's the family as a whole and the fact that they are a family that is important. No matter how big or how small your family is, even just a marriage or relationship in itself, you're always greater together than you are apart. Let's talk about just the parents relationship for a second. Feedback in a marriage is important and can be extremely useful. Tell your partner, respectfully of course, something that could improve on. Let them know and communicate with them something that you didn't particularly like or even something you liked that was positive because positive feedback is just as important. 

    Every family has rules. Whether those are set boundaries set by the parents or unspoken rules that have accumulated overtime. Some examples of unspoken rules could be where you sit at the dinner table, or a designated seat in the car or on the couch, even just rules unique to your family personally. What are some unspoken rules in your family? Think about how they were created.